Did he make you suffer so abusively you can't manage it when you reminded yourself about the whole experience? Do you get disturbed with how he did you bad? Have you ever considered to get even with him so he feel the pain just like you're feeling today
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I'm sorry you feel so unworthy, your position make sense, I have been at that spot myself and regardless of how terrible it worsens, don't forget that he who angers you owns you. Release, consent, go
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